Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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