$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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