He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
