Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium

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(518): View more from New York

it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped

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(937): View more from Ohio

I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?

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(480): View more from Arizona

My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"

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(613): View more from Ontario

The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...

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(314): View more from Missouri

this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it

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