I am spending my child support on dildos
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
