awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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