I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
