I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
