Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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