why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
