When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
