I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize