evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
