I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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