If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
