i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
