Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
