Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
