My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize