Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
