I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
