I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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