you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
