the condom got lost in my hair
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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