I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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