Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
