just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
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