I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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