i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
