where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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