you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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