I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize