I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
