garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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