If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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