I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i think my cat just said my name.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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