Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
