then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
