have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
