New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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