Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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