I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
