She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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