It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm really busy with my period
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