so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
