OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
