i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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