It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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