Im at strip club and am horny
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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