dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
