JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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