I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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