you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
