what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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