So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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