We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
