Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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