I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
