My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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