I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
