i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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