How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize