Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
