Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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