A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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