Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
