Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize