this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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