i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
