if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
