he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's like iHOP with fire
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
