So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize