Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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