Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
