Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
